How Do I Make The Bully Feel Bad?

October 15th, 2007
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I was checking my feed stats on Feedburner, where I can the see the search queries that lead people to this site. Among “corruption in Honduras government” and “sick puppies net album”, one of them struck me: “How do I make the bully feel bad about teasing me?”. The answer was my post about Bullies from back in June. That made my compassionate side get all warm and fuzzy.

If you’re reading this…Let me tell you that the best way to get back at bullies is to realize they are even more afraid of you than you are of them. Therefore, you should:

1. Ignore or endure their cruelty without showing weakness. Don’t let them know they hurt you. Bullies feel weak, so they try to show they are stronger than you, if you let them. Laugh at them if you can get away with it. Don’t be a masochist though, it could get you crucified! Avoid them bravely. (Paradoxical, huh?)

2. Look for an opportunity to payback…and the way you should pay them back is by playing the guilt card. You should make them feel guilty about bullying you. Sometimes you can be kind to them, and they’ll be so surprised they won’t know what to do. Don’t trust them though. Don’t try to get the bully to pity you either, you don’t need anyone’s pity, you’re better than that. Besides, bullies are NOT compassionate. You shouldn’t befriend them…you deserve better friends.

Both these strategies send a strong message: “I am better than you”, but do so without the need to brag. You shouldn’t say it out loud, that would defeat the strategy. Just show it. You’re stronger, as a sufferer than as an inflicter of suffering. You can be morally superior, if you avoid pride. Be wise. If you do this, you’ll probably succeed.

Image by Diego Sevilla Ruiz, used under a Creative Commons license

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  • Anonymous

    I agree with this post more than your June post on this issue. What’s also disheartening in the June post is one reader’s comment of a difference between good teasing and bad teasing.

    Consider one of Meriam-Webster’s definitions of teasing; “to disturb or annoy by persistent irritating or provoking especially in a petty or mischievous way”

    For best results with this challenge, I suggest following directions laid out in 1. and 2. of Pensieve post, Oct 15, 2007

    kman

  • Aaron Ortiz

    Yeah I think blog therapy helped me understand this…and also meditating on some Bible wisdom: the sweetest revenge is doing good to our enemies, for in doing so we heap burning coals on their heads.

  • http://www.ask.com jessica

    this really helped me with a bully at middle school, and when i did this, she was welled up with tears because she couldnt mess with me and so i hung out with my other buddies.

    • http://www.aeortiz.com Aaron Ortiz

      Amazing Jessica, I’m very glad I could help

  • Annie

    I am 55 years old and dealing with two 20-something bullies at work. One is a narcissist. After 16 months of verbal and emotional abuse and on the brink of a nervous breakdown, I somehow found the strength and courage to report them to our director who took action immediately. I now hold my head high, keep my eyes and ears open and my mouth shut. I do not allow myself to be alone with them; I treat them as if nothing happened. Karma is a b*tch as they say, so I’m patiently waiting for them to slip up again – they’ll lose their jobs if that happens.
    And you’re right – do not try to be their friend. They will use you and then treat you like dirt. Don’t confide in a bully thinking they will like you – they will turn it around and use it against you eventually. I have several other wonderful, supportive co-workers who praised me for having the courage to report them. Life is much better now for them too. The two culprits are on notice so they’ve been on their best behavior. They now stay in their own offices most of the time and everyone has become more productive without all their disruptive behavior and giggling, childish antics.
    I proved to myself that I AM better than them and I took the moral high ground. Now they look like the bullies they are and everyone in the office has been made aware by our director of what transpired so it never happens again. They had beaten down my self-esteem and morale so badly I never thought I would be able to continue working there. I did become weak, but after a pep talk from my sisters, best friend and some other co-workers, I realized that I needed to be strong. Now that these two women know who they’re up against, they act like timid little mice. I haven’t let down my guard; however, but I will never let them mistreat me again and they know it.

    • http://pensieve.aeortiz.com/ Aaron Ortiz

      Thanks for sharing that Annie! Reading comments like yours makes my day!

  • Rebecca Gallop

    I’ve been bullied by almost everyone in my school thanks for the advice

    • http://pensieve.aeortiz.com/ Aaron Ortiz

      Hi Rebecca, good luck! Be safe! Don’t be afraid!

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