Clodovaldo Hernandez: Swine Envy
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El Universal of Venezuela posted a spoof article by self-appointed expert Clodovaldo Hernandez with a hilarious take on the Chavez-Zelaya-Ortega-OAS-Micheletti madness. Please read in the original Spanish, if you can, but I warn you, this is college-level language and humor. I took the liberty of translating it, and I hope not to have lost much of the humor in doing so
Clodovaldo Hernandez: The Swine Envy of Tegucigalpa
The plague extends to the opposition masses through the indiscreet sneezing of the press.
The Venezuelan right has been introduced, since Sunday, to a variant of the Swine virus of Veracruz: the swine envy of the Tegucigalpa coupsters.
Listen to the most conspicuous leaders of biased media anti-chavismo speak, and you will appreciate–even with no knowledge of medicine–the grave symptoms of the pandemic. Everyone is asking, with pathological jealousy, why Honduras concluded operation ‘Check The King in Pyjamas’, when here we are jammed in interminable diatribes about whether to apply the Spanish opening or the two-knighted defense. [note: these are Chess moves]
Read the illustrious members of the Antichavista Articulista Aliance (the venerable triple “A”) and you will examine repeated resentful coughing. “Over there, cough, cough, they knew how to have a coup, cough, cough, and they didn’t run 47 hours later, no man.”
The plague is extending to the opposition masses through the indiscreet sneezing of the written, spoken and televised media. If you sniff into the conversations of a certain middle class, you’ll see fashionable ladies who were once signing officer’s uniforms in Plaza Altamira, but now say they were all miserable opportunist clowns, and swoon for the virile warriors of the Central American nation.
“And we who would shout to them ‘Bravo! Bravo!’, how stupid we were!””says Marty Fair, the secretary of the disappeared organization, Rabid Non-governmental Venezuelan Volunteers with Bush, which is now called “Against Softie Obama.”
“We got an email in our blackberries asking for generals like the Hondurans, with large masculine glands,” says Elba Quiroz, who is a fan of those little gadgets (the blackberries, of course).
The swine envy of Tegucigalpa is such an aggressive virus that it has carried away tit-and-tittle democrats to declare admiration for the auto-sworn-in individual. An international analyst–with a 40 degree fever–has rushed to postulate him for Time magazine’s designation of ‘Man of the Year’.
“It’s nothing personal amigo, but compared to old Carmona, this Micheletti is a great guy”, says Ña Magda, amidst unrestrained coughs.
Others who were infected, have directed their AH1N1 feverishness against internation organizations. They explain that they have left behind their shoe soles, and the epithelium {skin} of their tongues marching and screaming “¡Chávez IS A KILLER!”, with the hope that the Sabaneta autocrat will get the Democratic resignation letter. They have been met with no success.
The expert in Interplanetary Law, Dr. Drúbal Phasicjargon, spitted out with all his ire when he said, with trembling voice and eyes popping out because of his fever: “Why the whole world went out to defend loco Zelaya!”
Image by LeftHandRotation, used with a Creative Commons license
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jajajaja!
muy bueno…ese humor con palabras rimbonbantes me mata de la risa.
Yo tampoco pude aguantarlo cuando lo lei!